But luckily, he knew the entire history of a man he killed before he could even talk to him. Well.. that's what I thought when I was reading. I even wrote "How does he know that?!" on the side of the page. After giving it some thought, I think Tim made it all up, because this man he killed sounds sorta like Tim did before war.
"He loved mathematics..." (page 121) versus "I had the world dicked-Phi Beta Kappa and summacum laude..." (page 39).. Then "Beyond anything else, he was afraid of disgracing himself, and therefore his family and village" (page 121) versus "I feared losing the respect of my parents...My hometown was a conservative little spot on the prairie... conversation slowly zeroing in one the young O'Brien kid, how the damned sissy had taken off for Canada" (page 43).
The two men are clearly very similar.. Tim had to have created his image in the man he killed, because he felt guilty. Instead of trying to not feel guilty, by convincing himself that the man was terrible and evil for fighting for the Viet Cong or whatever, he convinced himself that the man didn't really deserve to die. They were there for practically the same reasons. Maybe this was the first person he killed, so he it really took a toll on him. If every soldier had to think that long about the person they just killed, we'd still be fighting the British for our independence. Death has to become a natural part of daily life for a soldier . I don't think it had kicked in for Tim at this point.
good catch on how the life he creates for the killed man mirrors his own in some ways.
ReplyDelete